Doubt

As time passes, I started to doubt more and more towards what this is all about.
Is there value in challenge?

Let's see. I devour Kanji and Japanese out of pure interest. Yet, the prospect of putting it into practice, I mean, like going to work in a Japanese company, has started to cast several doubts on me. Do I really fit into the environment? Will I be able to communicate smoothly, let alone professionally, when the reality knocks on my door? I won't be able to live in this dream for long; the harshness of reality is sometimes too severe, too big, too overwhelming for one to bear with.

Sometimes I just get tired of everything and suddenlylong for those good old days back home with parents, lying on the floor of my home reading novels, drawing, writing, and learning English out of sheer passion for it. I would go to a coffee shop everyday Sunday morning bit dad n mom, then we'd go to the city central bookstore. I love those old romantic days when it would rain and I would sit by the edge of my balcony looking at those falling drops of rain which thereby transports a sense of chill to my bone, sniffing the fresh scent of early summer... Morris's "second childhood" surely strikes a chord with every human's innate yearning for that carefree feelings of being a child, trouble-free, and having time to cater to everything, to do whatever we like.

And the reality is sometimes too different fromwhat one wishes it to be... One wish from someoneon a deathbed would be "I wish I would have let myself be happier". So true. But sometimes, in one way or another, we get ourselves got carried away by all those competition, the rat race, by sheer illusion of some promising aspects of a good position in a big company, of earning great money to afford ourselves and our beloveds luxuries, of sheer pride. Then I look back at myself and wonder what i am doing now, where i'm heading to, and what lies down the line. Is there any value in all this? Will it bring me happiness later in life? Cos for sure i'm promised with no happiness at the time moment. And I'm talking bout happiness alone, not satisfaction or self-fulfilment. Coz the latter is somewhere innate in me, lurking down the bush, pushing me forward. Yet, what have I done with all these time I had? All these nearly-three-year-time. If  I had not turned out thisway, could there be any possibility of me doing sth else totally different, offering me total different feelings of happiness and self-fulfilment? is there any possibility of me having better use of my time? doing something i really want to? devoting time to things which give me true satisfaction? and finally, being happy at the end of the day, looing back on a well-spent time and going to bed totally worn out, but with a stress-free mind and a fresh new hope of a better tomorrow?

Now I'm getting back to my readings for class which i will have an exam next week. What I only have to do is read and read and see what's left on my memory, since one wouldhave no way to expect what the professorwould ask on the paper. And what is valuable and strikes a chord with my inner thoughts and values, I note them down. The prime example is William Morris with his "News from Nowhere" piece of utopian work. Otherwise, I would just let my mind get carried away with the mere sense of enjoying the pleasure of reading.

And Kanji. I love it. Out of mere curiosity, a sense of fulfilment and passion out of the words, their meanings and how they touch me with sth I've met in real life. Totally resourceful rich enabling material of art.

 A a report on a movie based on some false charge case in Japan some time past. I'll try to get it fastly and deliciously donw, or else it'd be too much of a pain in the ass. I hate prolonging, and procrastination whereby one could have done sth about it.

And after all these homework nicely done, will I be happier? Not sure. But I'll surely be less stressful and have time tofinally wind down and do sth to amend the situation.

After all, tomorrow is another day.

超人、永劫回帰

ニーチェの永劫回帰って思想には、私は大賛成だ。

ある瞬間は何回も繰り返すことになることは間違いなく感じたことがある。たとえば、今の私のことだ。この悪循環はいったい何十回、そして何百回繰り返すことになるだろうとずっと思ってた。

自分が自分を損なう。のど炎症。肺炎。この体はだんだん衰えている。自分の体の中の細胞は一秒一秒がたつとともに死んでいく。だってだれでもそうだろう。

でも行き続けるしかない。といっても、無意味な人生でただ毎日を過ごすことなんてしたくない。ニーチェの「力への意志」に強い共感を持ってる。そして、「超人」になりたい。でも、「超人」って、ニーチェの思想の「超人」ではない。ただ、単純な意味での超人だ。非常に精神力を持って何でも乗り越えられること。自分のやっていることを全力を入れ、そして、自分の行動が正しいであることを確信できること。それは、私の究極的な目標だ。

いつ変わるか分かるはずもない。でも、とりあえずこうしよう。そうでないと、今までやってきたものもふくめ、これからやっていくことも台無し。絶対、何かに結ぶだろう。

ニーチェの思想（２）

「超人」

永劫回帰の無意味な人生の中で自らの確立した意思でもって行動する「超人」であるべきと説いた。個人主義の推奨とであり、「自身の善悪観が世界に屈服しない生き方の推奨（己の価値観＝全て）」とまで言えば間違いではない。


The Übermensch (German; English: Overman, Overhuman, Above-Human, Superman; German pronunciation: [ˈˀyːbɐmɛnʃ]) is a concept in the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche. Nietzsche posited the Übermensch as a goal for humanity to set for itself in his 1883 book Thus Spoke Zarathustra (German: Also Sprach Zarathustra).


「永劫回帰」


永劫回帰（えいごうかいき、ドイツ語: ewig wiederkehren）または同じものの永劫回帰（Ewige Wiederkunft des Gleichen) とはフリードリヒ・ニーチェの思想で、経験が一回限り繰り返されるという世界観ではなく、超人的な意思によってある瞬間とまったく同じ瞬間を次々に、永劫的に繰り返すことを確立するという思想である。ニーチェは『この人を見よ』で、永劫回帰を「およそ到達しうる最高の肯定の形式」と述べている。

「時間は無限であり、物質は有限である」という前提に立ち、無限の時間の中で有限の物質を組み合わせたものが世界であるならば、現在の世界が過去に存在し、あるいは将来も再度全く同じ組み合わせから構成される可能性について示唆している。ニーチェにおいて、この世界の円環的構造は、たんに存在論的なものにとどまらず、自由意志の問題と結びつけられる。

永劫回帰するのは、終末を迎えることなく時を越えて同一である物にして、且つ万物である。万物斉同。すなわち、永劫回帰は終末における救済というオプティミズムとの対比でしばしばペシミズムと結びつけて語られるが、その一方で、救済されるようにと今の行いを正す、という制約から解放された明るさもある。世界が何度めぐり来ても、いまここにある瞬間がかくあることを望む、という強い生の肯定の思想でもある。その意味で、永劫回帰は生をおろそかにしない超人にのみ引き受けることが可能な、存在と意志との自由の境地である。永劫回帰はたんなる宿命ではなく、自由意志によって招来される世界の根源的なありようなのである。

永劫回帰は生への強い肯定の思想であると同時に、「一回性の連続」という概念を念頭に置かねばならない。つまり、転生思想のように前世→現世→来世と‘生まれ変わる’ものでは決して無く、人生とはカセットテープのように仮に生まれ変わったとしても‘その年その時その瞬間まで、まったく同じで再び繰り返す’というものである。

Eternal return (also known as "eternal recurrence") is a concept which posits that the universe has been recurring, and will continue to recur, in a self-similar form an infinite number of times across infinite time and/or infinite space. The concept initially inherent in Indian philosophy was later found in ancient Egypt, and was subsequently taken up by the Pythagoreansand Stoics. With the decline of antiquity and the spread of Christianity, the concept fell into disuse in the western world, though Friedrich Nietzsche resurrected it as a thought experiment to argue for amor fati.

In addition, the philosophical concept of eternal recurrence was addressed by Arthur Schopenhauer. It is a purely physical concept, involving no supernatural reincarnation, but the return of beings in the same bodies. Time is viewed as being not linear but cyclical.

ニーチェの思想（１）

ニーチェの思想とは、主に「力への意志」、「Master - Slave morality」、「超人」、「反・反ユダヤ主義」や「反国粉砕主義


初めて出てくるのは『ツァラトゥストラはこう語った』第2部「自己超克」の章である。「我がものとし、支配し、より以上のものとなり、より強いものとなろうとする意欲」

キリスト教主義、ルサンチマン的価値評価、形而上学的価値といったロゴス的なものは、「現にここにある生」から人間を遠ざけるものであるとする。そして人間は、力への意志によって流転する価値を承認し続けなければならない悲劇的存在であるとする。だが、そういった認識に達することは、既存の価値から離れ、自由なる精神を獲得することを意味する。それは超人へ至る条件でもある^[7]。

力への意志という概念はナチスに利用されたが、ニーチェの哲学を曲解したものとする見方がある

君主‐奴隷道徳はドイツの哲学者ニーチェが提示した哲学概念。
最も基本的な道徳形態は「君主道徳(貴族道徳）」と「奴隷道徳」の二種類がある。君主道徳では行為が「良」と「悪」に分けられるのに対し、「奴隷道徳」では行為が「善」と「悪」に分けられる。君主道徳の主な特徴は自己肯定、傲慢、主動であるのに対し、奴隷道徳は自己否定、謙遜、慈悲である。ある人の道徳がどの道徳になのかはその人の身分と地位で決まるのではなく、その人が行動する時の気持ちで決まる。ある独裁者の道徳は奴隷道徳である可能性もある。なぜなら、その独裁者は恨みと報復によって行動しているかもしれないからである。ニーチェは君主道徳を勧めると同時に奴隷道徳の中の精神力を学ぶ価値もあると主張した。

ニーチェは君主道徳を意志強固な道徳と定義している。良いものは有用なもの。悪いものは有害なもの 。このような道徳は感情である。先史時代に、”ある行動の価値があるかどうかは、その行動の結果から判断する”^[1]しかし結局、”道徳現象なんかはなく、現象の道徳解釈だけはある。”^[2]意志強固の人にとって、’良’は高潔、強い、有力；’悪’は弱い、 臆病、無自信、狭量。君主道徳の真髄は”高潔さ”である。道徳は意志強固の価値を守るために作られて、奴隷と君主にとって、”恐怖心は道徳の生まれの母である。”^[3]君主道徳の他の性質は無偏見、勇気、忠実、信頼、周到な自信である。”君主道徳は ’高潔な人’の中で自然に良という考えが生まれ、そして良くないが悪として発展される。”高潔な人は”良し自身”を決まった価値として経験する；証明する必要がなし；’自分に有害なもの自身は有害である’と判断する；君主道徳は他のものに名誉を授けることができるとわかっている；君主道徳は’価値創造的’である。”^[4] この意味では、君主道徳はすべてのものの物差しである。意志強固の人は自分に有用なものは自分の中で価値あるかを判断する；そして、意志強固の人はこういうものを’良’と判断する。 君主は道徳の創造者である；奴隷は奴隷道徳を用いて君主道徳に反応する。

奴隷道徳 [編集]

　君主道徳の感情的と違って、奴隷道徳は非感情 (反感、ルサンチマン)である――君主道徳が評価したものを再評価する。ある行動の結果からその行動の価値を判断するのからはぐれて、ある行動の”意図”からその行動の価値を判断する。^[5] 君主道徳は強さから生まれたのに対し、奴隷道徳は弱さから生まれる。奴隷道徳は圧制への反抗なので、圧制者が悪党だと考える。奴隷道徳は君主道徳はの正反対である。厭世主義と懐疑論という性質がある。奴隷道徳は君主道徳の’良’と判断するのに反対して作られる。奴隷道徳は力で人の意志を増強するのを目的とせず、細心の転覆を目的とする。奴隷道徳は君主を超える道を探るのではなく、君主も奴隷する道を探る。奴隷道徳の真髄は”実用”である。^[6]：良いものは大衆に有用なものであり、強いものではない。ニーチェはこの点を自己矛盾と見ていた。”’普通の良’はどうやって存在できるか！この表現は自己矛盾である：普通とはかつて存在してよほど価値のないものだ。”最後にはいつものようにこうならないといけない：偉大に偉大なもの、複雑に計りきれないもの、 上品に繊細、まとめると、稀には稀なもの。”^[7]強力なものは数多い弱いものに比べて数少ないから、奴隷制度を起こすのは(すなわち、will to power) ”悪”だということを強いものに信じさせることにより、弱いものは権力を獲得する。弱いものは弱さで自分の性質を選べないのである。 奴隷道徳は卑下が自発的だと主張することにより、自分の卑下が君主に圧制された時に生まれたと認めるのを避ける。聖書の侮辱を甘んじて受ける、謙遜、慈善、憐れみという理論は奴隷の苦境をすべての人類に広げる結果である。だから、君主をも奴隷にする。” ”民主的”運動はキリスト教から生まれた。”^[8]―自由と平等を取り入れた奴隷道徳の政治表明。

君主道徳と奴隷道徳の闘争は歴史上に繰り返された。ニーチェによると、古代ギリシャとローマ社会は君主道徳を土台にしていた。ホメロス的な英雄は意志強固の人であり、『イリアス』と『オデュッセイア』はニーチェの君主道徳を実証した。ニーチェは英雄達を”高潔社会の人間”と呼んで^[10]、君主道徳の実例を挙げた。歴史的に、キリスト教がローマ帝国に広がって、君主道徳はキリスト教の奴隷道徳に打ち破られた。

　ニーチェによると、文化間の闘争の真髄はずっとローマ（君主、強さ）とユダヤ（奴隷、弱さ）の闘争である。彼はヨーロッパでの奴隷道徳の勝利を批判して、 民主運動は””堕落人間の集団””と言った。^[11]ニーチェは彼の時代の初期民主運動はユダヤ的で、奴隷的で、弱かった。弱さが強さを打ち破り、奴隷が君主を打ち破り、非感情が感情を打ち破った。ニーチェはこの非感情を”祭司の復讐”と呼んで、弱さが強さを奴隷化する道を探るということへの嫉妬である。こういう運動は、ニーチェによれば、弱さへの”最も賢い復讐”から生まれた。ニーチェは民主とキリスト教が、すべてのものを平等――すべてが奴隷にする、同じ柔弱力であると見なした。

Master-slave morality is a central theme of Friedrich Nietzsche's works, in particular the first essay of On the Genealogy of Morality. Nietzsche argued that there were two fundamental types of morality: 'Master morality' and 'slave morality'. Master morality weighs actions on a scale of good or bad consequences unlike slave morality which weighs actions on a scale ofgood or evil intentions.　For Nietzsche, master-slave morality provides the basis of all exegesis of Western thought. While slave morality values things like kindness, humility and sympathy, master morality values pride, strength, and nobility.

Nietzsche defined master morality as the morality of the strong-willed. Nietzsche criticizes the view, which he identifies with contemporary British ideology, that good is everything that is helpful; what is bad is what is harmful. He argues that this view has forgotten the origins of the values, and thus it calls what is useful good on the grounds of habitualness - what is useful has always been defined as good, therefore usefulness is goodness as a value. He continues explaining, that in the prehistoric state, "the value or non-value of an action was derived from its consequences"^[1] but ultimately, "There are no moral phenomena at all, only moral interpretations of phenomena."^[2] For these strong-willed men, the 'good' is the noble, strong and powerful, while the 'bad' is the weak, cowardly, timid and petty. The essence of master morality is nobility. Morality is designed to protect that which the strong-willed man values, and for slave and master, "Fear is the mother of morality."^[3] Other qualities that are often valued in master moralities are open-mindedness, courage, truthfulness, trust and an accurate sense of self-worth. Master morality begins in the 'noble man' with a spontaneous idea of the good, then the idea of bad develops as what is not good. "The noble type of man experiences itself as determining values; it does not need approval; it judges, 'what is harmful to me is harmful in itself'; it knows itself to be that which first accords honour to things; it is value-creating."^[4] In this sense, the master morality is the full recognition that oneself is the measure of all things. Insomuch as something is helpful to the strong-willed man it is like what he values in himself; therefore, the strong-willed man values such things as 'good'. Masters are creators of morality; slaves respond to master-morality with their slave-morality.

[edit]Slave morality

Unlike master morality which is sentiment, slave morality is literally re-sentiment--revaluing that which the master values. This strays from the valuation of actions based on consequences to the valuation of actions based on "intention".^[5] As master morality originates in the strong, slave morality originates in the weak. Because slave morality is a reaction to oppression, it villainizes its oppressors. Slave morality is the inverse of master morality. As such, it is characterized by pessimism and skepticism. Slave morality is created in opposition to what master morality values as 'good'. Slave morality does not aim at exerting one's will by strength but by careful subversion. It does not seek to transcend the masters, but to make them slaves as well. The essence of slave morality is utility^[6]: the good is what is most useful for the whole community, not the strong. Nietzsche saw this as a contradiction, "And how could there exist a 'common good'! The expression is a self-contradiction: what can be common has ever been but little value. In the end it must be as it has always been: great things are for the great, abysses for the profound, shudders and delicacies, for the refined, and, in sum, all rare things for the rare."^[7] Since the powerful are few in number compared to the masses of the weak, the weak gain power by corrupting the strong into believing that the causes of slavery (viz., the will to power) are 'evil', as are the qualities they originally could not choose because of their weakness. By saying humility is voluntary, slave morality avoids admitting that their humility was in the beginning forced upon them by a master. Biblical principles of turning the other cheek, humility, charity, and pity are the result of universalizing the plight of the slave onto all humankind, and thus enslaving the masters as well. "Thedemocratic movement is the heir to Christianity."^[8]--the political manifestation of slave morality because of its obsession with freedom and equality.

"...the Jews achieved that miracle of inversion of values thanks to which life on earth has for a couple millennia acquired a new and dangerous fascination--their prophets fused 'rich', 'godless', 'evil', 'violent', 'sensual' into one and were the first to coin the word 'world' as a term of infamy. It is this inversion of values (with which is involved the employment of the word for 'poor' as a synonym for 'holy' and 'friend') that the significance of the Jewish people resides: with them there begins the slave revolt in morals."^[9]

[edit]Society

This struggle between master and slave moralities recurs historically. According to Nietzsche, ancient Greek and Roman societies were grounded in master morality. The Homeric hero is the strong-willed man, and the classical roots of the Iliad and Odyssey exemplified Nietzsche's master morality. He calls the heroes "men of a noble culture"^[10], giving a substantive example of master morality. Historically, master morality was defeated as the slave morality of Christianity spread throughout the Roman Empire.

According to Nietzsche, the essential struggle between cultures has always been between the Roman (master, strong) and the Judean (slave, weak). He condemns the triumph of slave morality in the West, saying that the democratic movement is the "collective degeneration of man"^[11]. Nietzsche claimed that the nascent democratic movement of his time was essentially slavish and weak^{[citation needed]}. Weakness conquered strength, slave conquered master, re-sentiment conquered sentiment. This resentment Nietzsche calls "priestly vindictiveness", which is the jealousy of the weak seeking to enslave the strong with itself. Such movements were, to Nietzsche, inspired by "the most intelligent revenge" of the weak. Nietzsche saw democracy and Christianity as the same emasculating impulse which sought to make all equal—to make all slaves.

Nietzsche, however, did not believe that humans should adopt master morality as the be-all-end-all code of behavior - he believed that the revaluation of morals would correct the inconsistencies in both master and slave morality - but simply that master morality was preferable to slave morality, although this is debatable. Walter Kaufmann disagrees that Nietzsche actually preferred master morality to slave morality. He certainly gives slave morality a much harder time, but this is partly because he believes that slave morality is modern society's more imminent danger. The Antichrist had been meant as the first book in a four-book series, "Toward a Re-Evaluation of All Morals", which might have made his views more explicit, but Nietzsche was afflicted by mental collapse that rendered him unable to write the latter three books.

Utopia and the authors.

"Art is like love - it must always be hungry."
                                        Ricordati di me (Italian movie)

Although this has nothing to do with what I'm gonna write here from now on, it just flicked on my mind like a self-reminding word which happened to occur during sitting in Askew's lecture Globalization and Law today. My stomach was kinda rumbling (wonder whether because of the energy supplement drink i had this morning) verging on stomachache, yet it was against my will to leave the classroom and forfeit my right to have Askew's accompany (Askew David J., 2011), so I thought better to hold on a little bit. And what I was doing was to involve myself with new knowledge, which was quite intriguing and revelating indeed. I came to get myself acquainetd with political theory discourse in the Western traditition in the past: Thomas More and Francis Bacon and Bellamy and a bunch of other head-and-shoulders in the Western intellectual world. Utopia and Dystopia. More based his construction of utopia on reason alone, while Bacon tried to reconcile reason with faith, and proving that science and religion are not necessarily at loggerheads. More was skeptical and ambivalent about his views on the utopia he created (as some ideas that the utopia presented were not always what More advocated, such as religious tolerance, divorce and the decision to end one's life), presenting the world that he called "utopia" while voicing disapproval towards its aspects of communal society and money-less economy, and totalitarian regime regarding personal surveillance, like in socialism. Bacon, being a lover and a master of natural science, and a devout Christian at heart, based his utopia both on revelation and reason. His utopia was necessarily that of a scientific civilization: wealth comes from scienctific achievements. Bacon's utopia is mutilcultural, patriarchal, science-ruled.

I did venture to find out for msyelf Bellamy and Jonathan Swift's books that Askew uses for our course in the library yesterday. What I found was revelating: Bellamy's Looking Backward: 2000-1887, which he got published in 1888, was anything but interesting. While reading a book, I'd be happy to grasp some background of the author: Bellamy's advocation of a public capitalism and his ambivalence towards socialism, Morris's endearment of socialism through the lense of an artist. Great comparison and reflection to be made after reading all More, Bacon, Swift, Bellamy and Morris I would guess.

Thomas More's UTOPIA

Been reading on More's Utopia today as part of my Askew's class Globalization and Law, and came across some pretty thought-provoking and reflective parts. Here is one part about pleasures, aka classes of pleasures, depicted as the commonly held notions for utopians - citizens of Utopia.

They distinguish several classes of pleasures which they confess to be genuine, attributing some to the mind and others to the body. Those of the mind are knowledge and the delight that arises from contemplating the truth, the gratification of looking bak on a well-spent life, and the unquestioning hope of happiness to come.

Pleasures of the body they alsodivide into two classes. The first is that which fills the senses with immediate delight. Sometimes this happens when bodily organs that have been weakened by natural heat are restored with food and drink; sometimes it happens when we eliminate some excess in the nody, as when we move our bowels, generate children, or relieve an itch somewhere by rubbing or scratching it. Now and then pleasure arises, not from restoring a deficiency or discharging an excess, but from something that affects and excites our senses with a hidden but unmistakable force, and attracts them to itself. Such is the power of music.

The second kind of bodily pleasure they describe as nothing but the calm and harmonious state of the body, its state of health when undisturbed by any disorder. Health itself, when not oppressed by pain, gives pleasure, without any extrenal excitement at all. Even though it appeals lessdirectly to the senses than the gross gratifications of eating and drinking, many still consider this to be the greatest pleasure of all. Most of the Utopians regard it as the foundation and basis of all the pleasures, since by itself alone it can make life peaceful and desirable, whereas without it there is no possibility of any other pleasure. (...)

(...)

Among the various pleasures, then, they seek primarily those of the mind, and rpize themmost highly. The foremost mental pleasure, they believe, arises from practice of virtues and consciousness of a good life. Among pleasures of the body, they give first place to health. As for eating, drinking and other delights of that sort, they consider them desirable, but only for the sake of health. They are not pleasant in themselves, but only as ways to withstand the insidious encroachments of sickness. A wise man would rather escapesickness altogether than have a medicine against it. ; he would rather prevent pain than find a palliative. And so it would be better not to need this kind of pleasure at all than to be assuaged by it.

Anyone who thinks happiness consists of this sort of pleasure must confess that his ideal life would be one spent in an endless round of hunger, thirst and itching, followed by eating, drinking, scratching and rubbing. Who can fail to see that such an existence is not only disgusting but miserable? These pleasures are certainly the lowest of all, as they are the most adulterated - for they never occur except in connection with the pains that are their contraries. Hunger, for example, is linked to the pleasure of eating, and by no equal law, since the pain is sharper and lasts longer; it precedes the pleasure, and ends only when the pleasure ends with it. (...)

 

Between Heaven and Sea

На берегу неба

Вот и спрятался день (Vot I spr’atalsya den’)
Вот и вечер затих (Vot I vecher zatih)
Забрав мечты тепло (Zabrav mechty teplo)
Кто любовь сохранит (Kto l’ubov’ soxranit)
Если сердце молчит? (Esli serdtse molchit?)
И значит все прошло (I znachit vse proshlo)

Вдаль унесенное ветром (Vdal’ unesennoe vetrom)
чувство останется где-то (chustvo ostanetsa gde-to)
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)
Тихо к нему прикоснется (Tiho k nemu prikosnetsa)
Луч одинокого солнца (Luch odinokogo contsa) will touch them (feelings) tenderly
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)
А утром прольется рассветом (A utrom prol’iotsa rassvetom)
Чувство уснувшее где-то (chustvo usnuvshee gde-to)
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)
Чтобы мы с тобой не забыли (shtoby my s toboi ne zabyli)
Как друг друга любили (kak drug druga l’ubili)
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)

Замирая вдали (Zamiraya vdali)
Уплывает мотив любви (Uplyvaet motiv lubvi)
На белых островах (Na belyh ostrovah)
Знаешь наша мечта (Znaesh nasha mechta)
Это сон для двоих (Eto son dl’a dvoih)
Теперь лишь грусть в твоих глазах (Teper’ lish grust’ v tvoih glazah)

Вдаль унесенное ветром (Vdal’ unesennoe vetrom)
чувство останется где-то (chustvo ostanetsa gde-to)
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)
Тихо к нему прикоснется (Tiho k nemu prikosnetsa)
Луч одинокого солнца (Luch odinokogo contsa) will touch them (feelings) tenderly
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)
А утром прольется рассветом (A utrom prol’iotsa rassvetom)
Чувство уснувшее где-то (chustvo usnuvshee gde-to)
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)
Чтобы мы с тобой не забыли (shtoby my s toboi ne zabyli)
Как друг друга любили (kak drug druga l’ubili)
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)

Авэ Мария (Ave Maria) (from Latin “Holy Maria”)
Авэ Мария (Ave Maria)

Вдаль унесенное ветром (Vdal’ unesennoe vetrom)
чувство останется где-то (chustvo ostanetsa gde-to)
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)
Тихо к нему прикоснется (Tiho k nemu prikosnetsa)
Луч одинокого солнца (Luch odinokogo contsa) will touch them (feelings) tenderly
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)
А утром прольется рассветом (A utrom prol’iotsa rassvetom)
Чувство уснувшее где-то (chustvo usnuvshee gde-to)
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)
Чтобы мы с тобой не забыли (shtoby my s toboi ne zabyli)
Как друг друга любили (kak drug druga l’ubili)
На берегу неба (Na beregu neba)

At the coast of heaven

here’s the day hide away

here’s the evening drop down to silence

it tooks away the warm of dream

Who shall save our love

if the heart is quite on

And meaning – everything’s done

Far drift away with the wind

our feelings’ll stay somewhere

at the coast of heaven

And ray of lonely sun

Луч одинокого солнца (Luch odinokogo contsa) will touch them (feelings) tenderly

at the coast of heaven

But when morning comes

feelings drop with sun

at the coast of heaven

to keep in mind of ours

that love we used to treat

at the coast of heaven

Standing still far away

tune of love sails the way

trough white islands (meaning “clouds”)

You know our dream

is dream for us only

now sadness fills your eyes

Far drift away with the wind

our feelings’ll stay somewhere

at the coast of heaven

And ray of lonely sun

Луч одинокого солнца (Luch odinokogo contsa) will touch them (feelings)

tenderly

at the coast of heaven

But when morning comes

feelings drop with sun

at the coast of heaven

to keep in mind of ours

that love we used to treat

at the coast of heaven

Авэ Мария (Ave Maria) (from Latin “Holy Maria”)

Авэ Мария (Ave Maria)

Far drift away with the wind

our feelings’ll stay somewhere

at the coast of heaven

And ray of lonely sun

Луч одинокого солнца (Luch odinokogo contsa) will touch them (feelings)

tenderly

at the coast of heaven

But when morning comes

feelings drop with sun

at the coast of heaven

to keep in mind of ours

that love we used to treat

at the coast of heaven

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLGAUSw8Xd0

占いというもの

こちらは占いを信じる人はいませんか。

私は毎日携帯電話で占いを見ています。暇つぶしでもあるし、趣味本位で見ることもいえる。自分自身は、精神的なものや超能力のことをある程度信じているし、自分の行動や方向にたまたま迷っちゃうときに誰かに自分を見て指導してもらえるかのように、占いを見ることにする癖がある。

特に、血液占いや、誕生日の占いなどは、時折すごくぴんと来るものだと思う。例の占いを挙げてみると、さっき「性格診断」をやってみたら次のような結果が分かった：

０型の中間子は、いつでもどこにいても自分の存在を強調したい傾向がある。また、交友関係の広さに自慢だから、何かの集まりなどで自分が誘われないと腹を立てる。（→自分の存在の自覚のところが正しいが、交友関係って何とかは、どっちかというと寂しがりやで信頼に置けない相手だとなかなか打ち解けられない私だ）

（つづき）　アナタは努力を続けて、忍耐強く黙々とやり通すタイプ。幸いな状況におかれても、途中で投げ出すことがありません。責任感が強く、やると決めたことは不言実行で必ずやりぬき成果を上げるので、周りの信頼も厚いだろう。実際に人情に厚く、ユーモアもあり、人間的な魅力にあふれたな人なのが、プライドの高さと厳格さゆえに、堅いイメージがつきまとい人を簡単に寄せ付けない雰囲気を漂わせてしまうようだ。他人に対して寛大な心を持ち、人とコミュニケーションをとる時間を持つことも大切です。

っていうことです。

以上の文章全体は、自分が驚くほどあっている。自慢なのかもしれんが、私は天賦の才能がありどっちかというと天才のタイプだと思っていた人間だ。しかし、今までやってこられたのは、ただ天才だけで成り立たないとも思う。努力に努力を重ねて、自分のやりたいこと、自分が達成したい目標をしっかり見つめてまっすぐに向かう、って言えるかも。高校時代の英語オリンピックコンテストも現在大学でやっているプログラムも、全力を入れてやり通したいという意欲を持って取り組んだもの。「不言実行」っていう言葉は、今見てある昔とも呼べない過去の旧彼氏からもらった手紙のことを思い出せられた。

そして、その私の一面を見抜ける人としては、友人や家族の人を言うまでもなく、初対面でもないが、1度や2度しか話したりしていなかった人がいる。2ヶ月間に付き合っていた彼氏だ。ロクちゃんは、いつも頑張っているし、その努力する姿を見て好きになったってとか、「不言実行」とか、「努力家」とか、そういうほめ言葉を注いでくれた彼。今まで自分がぴんと来る感性は、一番最近の付き合いといえば、彼しかいないのだ。

でもただ自分の本質を見抜ける人間は、あくまでもお互いにうまくいくわけには行かないだろう。結局別れたけど、付き合っていた間にもどんだけ甘いときでも破局がいつか訪れるだろうと思ったりしたことが多かった。悔しくもなんともない。ただ、なにか根本なところで間違いがあったというわけだ。

だんだん占いの話から的外れな気がしてる（笑）けど、まあ、話が飛躍するのも自分の癖だ。それを理解して許してください。笑

Bleak Friday

All right, I know it's nearly 11 pm now and I have a 1st period class tmr. This quarter is getting rly serious and I'm not gonna screw it for god's sake. First, need 2 sort out whats on my mind first,

Askew classes: Globalization and Law
                        Special lecture

-----> Now this is crazy. Gonna have 2 do lots of reading soon >< Starting from this Sunday :)

JLPT: Review Kanji and Grammar learned so far.

International Transaction: The prof's a total freak. No attendance point so I'm not gonna screw up my hot home-made morning coffee just 2 go 2 school hearing some nonsense of his XD

マス・メディアと社会と法：turns out quite a nice class since i come 2 reinforce my knowledge of law and stuff which also connects with GBLP class

Totally worn out... I was sitting in the library studying Kanji and trying to read on my Law Media and Society class when my eyelids turned too heavy... and dozed off ... and in my dream (very short one) I saw myself waking up on my bed on a Sunday morning... and Finally I woke up in reality and found out I was still in the library having another hour until my next 2 classes... @@

It's raining like shit now. Maybe I'm gonna make myself a hot choc have some lousy Japanese TV noise going on for awhile then pass out...

It's not fair... This rainy weather would have been lovely if I was able 2 read, with a hot coffee and indulge in my thoughts and writing...  and by the way, went to COOP today just 2 look at some Russian language book.. felt a strong impulse 2 buy it but thought better since my budget is not allowing... Haiz anw the Internet is a good tool in terms of self-learning i guess. If I'm not stuck w this shit....

If I'm not stuck in this shit...

OK, mine is a little bit too contradictoy self. "If" is a pathetic word, it should only be pronounced from the mouths of failures who always try 2 make excuse for not having done what they should have, or having done what they should not. I put my foot in it and I would like to see how far I can go.

Hot choc time. Night.

Notion of Love - Joy of Man's Desiring

Have you encountered a work of art that made you tremble with elation, with tears, that you felt such a strong vibration that you could jump on your feet, that made you wanna melt into the air, into every inch of that artwork, that made your body convulse with emotions??? I dearly wanna hold onto this emotion; everytime I encounter a movie or a book that strikes such a deep chord within me, I wanna hold onto it, grab it with tension, kiss it, smell it, feel it with all my senses and keep it under my hidden secret box inside my drawer... Not that I have such a drawer or sth, it's just an irresisitible repulsion, an impulse to do something to treasure that moment forever, you know what I mean. I know what this feeling is: it's the feeling of loving somebody and being loved... My heart stopped when Ave Maria was played during the Wrong Time Travellers movie... It's this very moment that ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! Bingo!!!! that you feel that sth has finally captured your heart. Yeah it is! Let me dive into this pool of love forever, let it melt my entire body and soul, into eternity.

Fave quotes in movies I watch recently

" Dope chokes young people's revolutionary energy. 
 Grass too?
 No, grass is OK.
The drugs the body produces aren't bad either. Actually they're great.
Like adrenaline?
For example. There are thousands. Endorphins...
Happiness hormones when you are in love...
Now you're talking hard drugs. Watch out for those.
Don't fall into a life of crime.
Fear is an awesome drug. Don't let fear take control. Use it as a motor. It takes practice. Put yourself into a situation where you're scared stiff. First there's panic. But after a while,the body's self-protection system kicks in. You do things you never dared. You overcome your limitations, you believe you can do anything.


(...)
                                         The Edukators


"Every heart is a revolutionary cell. " 


                                          The Edukators


"Io amo Antonio. "
                        I am love (Io sono l'amore)
                           

Rain on the wishy-washy land

今朝起きてテレビをつけたら、「コリアンタウン市場」という生放送番組が目にした。
どっかで屋外市場でお祭りみたいな感じ、取材をしているらしい。

私は韓流とかケーポップとかには興味がないけど、取材している2人がウィンターソナタという古い韓国のドラマのサウンドラックが流されていたある店に入ったシーンを見て、なんか懐かしいていうか・・・

そしてこんな雨の日には、ふとロマンチックな気分になった

今ユーチューブでウィンターソナタ曲を聴いてる

今日は学校に行かない　静かに家で過ごそうかと思って

てか　いつも家で過ごすのは静かで平和で孤独だもん
読書をしたら吉と運勢占い　ちょっと縁起を担ぐ人でごめんなさい～　ｋｋ

では、みんなも良い一日を。