Sunday, 31 July 2011


It's summer.

I can tell. The insects that at the same hour every morning, by tacit habit of unconditional action, fused into a single million-antenna body, burst out their noisy incessant chorus, the dazzling heat, the damp sweat, the unblemished blue sky, the silky clouds. Here everything just stops its motion. Time flows stagnantly. One walks in the narrow street unnoticed, except for the blue sky and the clouds that keep watching and monitoring every of their single action. Nothing but the blue sky - eternity, the utmost evidence that reassures one's existence.

I turned on the hot water, letting it pour into the bath tube. It's quite apparent that I was going to have a bath. Wash myself. Looking down at my own body through the filtering image of the water... it shrank, then burged, shrank, and burged. Washing myself off all the impurities. When it comes to purifying and detoxicating, I'm quite a bigotic moron. A habit that has acquired the status of instinct - sth that must be done before all else, and as deeply ingrained in me as chastity is to the young women who were bigoted adherents of the Communist party.

There are times which I've found out to my deepest astonishment that my existence is nothing but a speck of dust in the air. Sometimes I would feel like a zombie with no notion at all; one without any meaningful assertation for life, any trace leaveable for the future. Anyway, guess everyone is like that. We are but merely a knot in the incessant moving forward thread that connects all existence together, in which the latter would flourish, thrive, and all the more interwoven into one another like a web of spider - and we are inadvertently, irrevocably trapped in that.

Yosh, I will quit smoking as from tomorrow. Sounds like a mission-impossible statement. Yet I'm fully ware that I have to slow down on my consumption of tobacco. The amount of nicotine that enters your lung varies according to how you inhale it, but still, it does enter your lung, more or less, your blood vein, your heart increases its frequency of pumping and thropping, your blood pressure goes high. I have been feeling a breast pain that makes me think that my days are counting down. I need to stop smoking, or at least, smoke less, or else I'll be zombie when i reach 30. Dead cockroach.

Let's think of the more positive way of life. I have been leading a life of contemplativa - I need to acquire more of an active life. How? Learn Russian. pick up words from the book, or learn it through youtube videos. Listen to Russian songs and memorize the lines by hypnopaedia. Go for a walk for about 30 mins. Eat healthily. Hang out with friends more, and be in the nature.

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